Thursday, October 8, 2009

OK...I just have to share...

I'm not much of a forward-sender nor am I much of a forward-reader...well, not unless the email subject is somewhat enticing. For example, if the forward tells me to "send this to 12 people or I am not a Christian", I immediately delete. I waste zero of my time reading that nonsense. However, if the forward contains mullets, bad jokes about Ole Miss, humorous church signs, etc., I'm in, and will more than likely forward them to others to enjoy. I do have a secret though. When I send a forward, I delete the "Fwd" in front of the subject, because people are less likely to open the email if they think they're about to see some ol' forward. Am I right? Anyway, I got 2 really fabulous forwards today. While I definitely forwarded them on to some, I feel that they were both worthy of making it to the blog. These are both PRICELESS.

Forward #1:
"Football: North vs. South"
The Difference Between Football in the North and South
WOMEN'S ACCESSORIES
Up North: Chapstick in their back pocket and a $20 bill in their front pocket.
Down South: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, powder,mascara (waterproof), and concealer. Wallet not necessary, that's what dates are for.
STADIUM SIZE
Up North: College footb all stadiums hold 20,000.
Down South: High School football stadiums hold 20,000.
FATHERS
Up North: Expect their daughter to understand Sylvia Plath.
Down South: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.
ATTIRE
Up North: Male and female alike: woolly sweater or sweatshirt and jeans.
Down South: Male - press khakis, oxford shirt, cap with frat logo Female – Dresses in school colors and matching pearls.ALUMNI
Up North: Take prospects on sailing trips before they join the law firm.
Down South: Take prospects on fishing trip so they don't leave for the NFL their senior year.
CAMPUS DECOR
Up North: Statues of founding fathers.
Down South: Statues of Heisman Trophy winners.
HOMECOMING QUEEN
Up North: Also a Physics Major
Down South: Also Miss USA.
HEROES
Up North: Mario Cuomo
Down South: "Bear" Bryant
GETTING TICKETS
Up North: 5 minutes before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and still purchase tickets.
Down South: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and still be placed on the waiting list for tickets.
PARKING
Up North: An hour before game time the University opens the campus for game parking.
Down South: RV's sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend festivities. The real faithful begin arriving on Tuesday.
GETTING TO THE STADIUM
Up North: You ask "Where's the stadium?" When you find it, you walk right in with no line.
Down South: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day, it becomes the state's third largest city.
WHEN NATIONAL ANTHEM IS PLAYED
Up North: Stands are less than half full.
Down South: 100,000 fans sing along in perfect 3-part harmony.
COMMENTARY (MALE)
Up North: "Nice Play."
Down South: $*#@%
COMMENTARY (FEMALE)
Up North: "My, this is a violent sport."
Down South: $*#@%
ANNOUNCERS
Up North: Paid.
Down South: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team.
AFTER THE GAME
Up North: The stadium is empty way before the game ends.
Down South: Another rack of ribs on the smoker. Planning begins for next week's game.
I just loved everything about that. SO MUCH TRUTH!
Moving on....
Forward #2:
"How to Fail a Test with Dignity"












So...did I let you down? I told you they were great.

I'm heading to see a movie with Katey now...I realize that means I'm missing "The Office" wedding, but I'm going to watch it later, so DON'T tell me what happens. Thanks.

TGIF. Well...almost.

6 comments:

The Overstreets said...

I didn't even think about the fact that you were missing The Office for our date tonight. Whoa. Loved seeing you!

Wade's World said...

The Office wedding was GREAT! I'm slightly ashamed to say that I may have teared up a little bit!

Trace's Space said...

I'll have to admit that I cried during the wedding. It was everything I wanted it to be :)

Okay - the forwards were great. Football NvsS - so true and the one where Peter was to expand the problem made me laugh out loud.

Have a great weekend - H!T!

Heather said...

i love both of these!
i hate math.

Jan Johnson said...

HILARIOUS! Needed a good laugh today!

Hope said...

The forwards were cute--thanks for sharing!! Hope you have a good weekend, friend! Love you! :)